Sunday, January 29, 2012

Winter, Writing, Apathy.

I start a new job tomorrow.  I am not excited about it.  I don't like change.  In fact, I usually greet change with a vast amount of denial and not a little bit of anger.

But I start a new job tomorrow, whether I like it or not.

It's still at the hospital.  It's the same computer program, but it's a whole new game.  I'll be doing some clinical stuff with patients, fixing things, that sort of thing.  And it appears that I will not have a trainer to show me the ropes.  I guess my new manager (don't even let me start on that) figures I'll sink or swim.

Right now, I'd rather sink.

I'm feeling very apathetic about work.  More and more I let myself fall into the fantasy, "What if I won the lottery?" or "What if I wrote a book that actually did well?"  It's a lot of what-ifs, and not realistic, but I let myself slip into these possibilities all too easily.  Bryan's the same way, I think.  Neither of us are the career-driven people that we're supposed to be, if all the "follow your dreams" assemblies are to be believed.  What's my dream?  I'd like to wake up late, read a book, drink some coffee, and then some tea, take a nap, read some more, and maybe go out to dinner.  And that's about it.  Some TV now and then would be nice, as well as an outing with friends, grabbing a cup of coffee at a cafe.  But all in all, I'd like the sort of life where pajamas are just as appropriate as business-casual.

Maybe it's winter.  Maybe I'm just apathetic.  I don't know.

I do know that we will hopefully get pregnant soon, and I will have to kiss those dreams of late mornings and lots of reading time goodbye.  Unless we win the lottery, in which case the nanny who works 4 days a week will take the baby until I've had a full nights (days) rest.


I'm having a hard time getting started on my novel.  Every time I think, "I just need to start writing and it will come," I then think, "But I have no idea who my characters are!  And what's a story without characters?"  So I don't write my own stuff, I just extrapolate on other ideas.  And it's nice, and it's helpful, but it's not mine.

How do you come up with entire people, full of back story and family and quirks?  It's so difficult for me.

And yeah, I've been awful at blogging.  I'm not just talking about my own, either.  I have been absolutely terrible at reading other people's blogs.  Just rubbish.  Maybe it IS the winter.  Maybe I really do need to start walking to work so I can catch some sunlight.  I dunno.

I do like this advice.  Warning: it does include a naughty word.  But it's a quote from a movie (a good one, in fact) so I'm not going to censor it.

Now if only I could figure out a way to get paid....