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Tuesday, March 27, 2012

When I Heard the Learn'd Astronomer


Whenever I get too analytical or neurotic, I read this poem.

I read this poem a lot.

WHEN I heard the learn’d astronomer; 
When the proofs, the figures, were ranged in columns before me; 
When I was shown the charts and the diagrams, to add, divide, and measure them; 
When I, sitting, heard the astronomer, where he lectured with much applause in the lecture-room, 
How soon, unaccountable, I became tired and sick;      
Till rising and gliding out, I wander’d off by myself, 
In the mystical moist night-air, and from time to time, 
Look’d up in perfect silence at the stars.

- Walt Whitman



(Seriously, Walt Whitman was a genius).

Sunday, March 11, 2012

. . . What?

IRO Vallego Print Pant, $453, revolveclothing.com
I think a better question would be: who doesn't want poorly-fitted pastel-print pants that make you look like you have an erection?  Only $453?!  A steal.

Lauren Moshi April Jammin Oversized Tee, $96, revolveclothing.com
You can own this tee for under a hundred dollars?!  That's amazing!  I think I have one in a box in the attic from 1992, however.  Maybe I'll stick with that.  But those beautiful matching pants... man.  Wantneedwant.  Everything goes with baby-spit-up yellow-green.

Show Me Your Mumu Tipsy Pant, $90, revolveclothing.com
Need to go to Walmart but can't find an appropriate pair of pajama pants?  Try these.  Offers a nauseating faux-Aztec print; bonus, the pattern doesn't line up!  Sure makes your butt look lopsided and confusing. Which is what we're going for here, folks.

Sass & Bide The Printer Pear One Shoulder Asymmetrical Dress, $308, revolveclothing.com
Like Vanessa Williams, I've saved the best for last.  Because I love you.

You've spent the first half of the weekend drunk out of your skull and it's now 9:48 PM on Saturday and you just HAVE to make an appearance at Courtney Love's drug bazaar or everything will think you are SO LAME.  What to do?  Throw this ensemble on to show you're not trying too hard.  No one will think you give a crap when you show up in a ridiculously cut dress that looks as if it has been dragged in the gutter.  Look at you.  Effortless.