Sunday, January 29, 2012

Winter, Writing, Apathy.

I start a new job tomorrow.  I am not excited about it.  I don't like change.  In fact, I usually greet change with a vast amount of denial and not a little bit of anger.

But I start a new job tomorrow, whether I like it or not.

It's still at the hospital.  It's the same computer program, but it's a whole new game.  I'll be doing some clinical stuff with patients, fixing things, that sort of thing.  And it appears that I will not have a trainer to show me the ropes.  I guess my new manager (don't even let me start on that) figures I'll sink or swim.

Right now, I'd rather sink.

I'm feeling very apathetic about work.  More and more I let myself fall into the fantasy, "What if I won the lottery?" or "What if I wrote a book that actually did well?"  It's a lot of what-ifs, and not realistic, but I let myself slip into these possibilities all too easily.  Bryan's the same way, I think.  Neither of us are the career-driven people that we're supposed to be, if all the "follow your dreams" assemblies are to be believed.  What's my dream?  I'd like to wake up late, read a book, drink some coffee, and then some tea, take a nap, read some more, and maybe go out to dinner.  And that's about it.  Some TV now and then would be nice, as well as an outing with friends, grabbing a cup of coffee at a cafe.  But all in all, I'd like the sort of life where pajamas are just as appropriate as business-casual.

Maybe it's winter.  Maybe I'm just apathetic.  I don't know.

I do know that we will hopefully get pregnant soon, and I will have to kiss those dreams of late mornings and lots of reading time goodbye.  Unless we win the lottery, in which case the nanny who works 4 days a week will take the baby until I've had a full nights (days) rest.


I'm having a hard time getting started on my novel.  Every time I think, "I just need to start writing and it will come," I then think, "But I have no idea who my characters are!  And what's a story without characters?"  So I don't write my own stuff, I just extrapolate on other ideas.  And it's nice, and it's helpful, but it's not mine.

How do you come up with entire people, full of back story and family and quirks?  It's so difficult for me.

And yeah, I've been awful at blogging.  I'm not just talking about my own, either.  I have been absolutely terrible at reading other people's blogs.  Just rubbish.  Maybe it IS the winter.  Maybe I really do need to start walking to work so I can catch some sunlight.  I dunno.

I do like this advice.  Warning: it does include a naughty word.  But it's a quote from a movie (a good one, in fact) so I'm not going to censor it.

Now if only I could figure out a way to get paid....


  1. I know how you feel. Pretty much exactly how you feel, believe it or not, even down to the writing a novel bit.

    Have you ever heard of storyweaver? Maybe you might find it useful :)

    I've been playing with buying it for years now, but never really had the time available for writing to justify investing in it.

    Good luck!

  2. Jess,
    I am right there with you on so many levels! As we speak I am sitting at a small little cafe table in the Sacramento airport waiting for my flight to LA, then Tennessee, before finally landing in Jackson (unfortunately the Mississippi Jackson)to start my new job. It's a great new job, doing really good work for an amazing organization (AmeriCorps) but all I can think about right now is how much I DONT want to go. I was very comfortable where I was, decent job, decent pay, and now its all changing! It sounds like there is more about your job changing that you don't like than simply the change, so hopefully things will work out for you, or at least become bearable :D

    Have you tried just basic character sketches? Sometimes I sit in public places and watch people walking by, inventing little bio's for them based on what they wear, how they are moving, etc. I imagine you could use a method like that to come up with a bunch of basic ideas which you could then come back to and add a little bit of background at a time as you think of something neat or interesting. Although to be fair, this advice is coming from someone who is also failing to actually accomplish any real writing :D

    I hope you and Bryan are able to start a family soon, I know you have both wanted it for some time now and I can't think of two people our age who I think would make better parents! You just have to promise to send them to HSU when they are college aged!

  3. Carla - I have heard of that program, but I do hear it's pricey. I think I may look around to see if there's any freeware that's supposed to be helpful for writing. It's so frustrating when you're just not getting there.

    Seth - I can't believe you're moving to Mississippi. I hope you really like it once you're there. Why are you leaving if you were comfy? Just curious.

    I love the idea of the basic character sketches. I think I was trying to figure out characters to force into the plot, but I like that idea better.

    I think we'll start a family when it's the right time. If it doesn't happen for a while, I think there's a good reason. Maybe we're not ready, who knows. But then again, maybe it'll happen next month, and I'll just have to not freak out over it. :-) Thank you so much for the sweet compliment. Bryan and I both miss you. Just so you know.

  4. Carla - I'm getting Storyweaver confused with a similar product that costs a lot more... so I will look into Storyweaver. :-) Thanks!