Monday, January 30, 2012

Highs and Lows

Today's Highs and Low:

+ I wore cute undies today.  Yeah, I actually count that as a high.
-  I started my new job without a trainer, and felt like an idiot for not knowing what to do.
-  I hate change, so starting a new job stressed me out.
-  I cried in front of my old co-workers when the new girl asked me to come over and help her on something.
+ I didn't cry in front of my new co-workers, which is good, because that would have made me feel worse.
+ My new co-workers are super nice and feel bad that I don't have a designate trainer.  They're willing to help out as much as they can.
-  I now work full time instead of four days a week.  I hate that I have to work tomorrow.  I love Tuesdays off.
+ I got my package from The Morbid the Merrier today and it's awesome.  I'll do a review as soon as I've used everything.
+ The Young Adults group at church had a dinner tonight, followed by Evening Prayer.  The dinner was delicious, there were a lot of new people, and Evening Prayer is both interesting and centering.
+ People seemed interested in the book group I'm going to help lead for the Young Adults.
-  One of the main dishes tonight had shrimp in it, and bacon.  And I can't eat it because I'm allergic to shrimp.  It looked so so so good.
+ The vegetarian dish was still super good.  Artichokes and squash and zucchini and onions and yummy.
+ There was wine.  Enough said.
+ I'm not pregnant this month.  Yeah, we want to get pregnant, but finding out I'm pregnant while starting a new job sounds like a bad combo.  Maybe next month would be okay.
-  I started my period on the first day of my new job, which probably had something to do with the crying at work thing.
+ Bryan and I bought copious amounts of chocolate at Kmart because we make good decisions.

So.  All in all, not a terrible day.

Sunday, January 29, 2012

Winter, Writing, Apathy.

I start a new job tomorrow.  I am not excited about it.  I don't like change.  In fact, I usually greet change with a vast amount of denial and not a little bit of anger.

But I start a new job tomorrow, whether I like it or not.

It's still at the hospital.  It's the same computer program, but it's a whole new game.  I'll be doing some clinical stuff with patients, fixing things, that sort of thing.  And it appears that I will not have a trainer to show me the ropes.  I guess my new manager (don't even let me start on that) figures I'll sink or swim.

Right now, I'd rather sink.

I'm feeling very apathetic about work.  More and more I let myself fall into the fantasy, "What if I won the lottery?" or "What if I wrote a book that actually did well?"  It's a lot of what-ifs, and not realistic, but I let myself slip into these possibilities all too easily.  Bryan's the same way, I think.  Neither of us are the career-driven people that we're supposed to be, if all the "follow your dreams" assemblies are to be believed.  What's my dream?  I'd like to wake up late, read a book, drink some coffee, and then some tea, take a nap, read some more, and maybe go out to dinner.  And that's about it.  Some TV now and then would be nice, as well as an outing with friends, grabbing a cup of coffee at a cafe.  But all in all, I'd like the sort of life where pajamas are just as appropriate as business-casual.

Maybe it's winter.  Maybe I'm just apathetic.  I don't know.

I do know that we will hopefully get pregnant soon, and I will have to kiss those dreams of late mornings and lots of reading time goodbye.  Unless we win the lottery, in which case the nanny who works 4 days a week will take the baby until I've had a full nights (days) rest.


I'm having a hard time getting started on my novel.  Every time I think, "I just need to start writing and it will come," I then think, "But I have no idea who my characters are!  And what's a story without characters?"  So I don't write my own stuff, I just extrapolate on other ideas.  And it's nice, and it's helpful, but it's not mine.

How do you come up with entire people, full of back story and family and quirks?  It's so difficult for me.

And yeah, I've been awful at blogging.  I'm not just talking about my own, either.  I have been absolutely terrible at reading other people's blogs.  Just rubbish.  Maybe it IS the winter.  Maybe I really do need to start walking to work so I can catch some sunlight.  I dunno.

I do like this advice.  Warning: it does include a naughty word.  But it's a quote from a movie (a good one, in fact) so I'm not going to censor it.

Now if only I could figure out a way to get paid....

Thursday, January 19, 2012

Enneagram Thought of the Day

Your Type One EnneaThoughtsm for January 17th

Remember, you will grow by moving toward those things that are symbolized by Type Seven. How can you act on your natural curiosity and playfulness today?

Source: via snow on Pinterest

I've definitely been moving towards type Seven lately.  I'm not sure if it's just a willingness to have fun and explore and relax, or if it's me grasping onto my "pre-children" life as tightly as possible.  Because when Bryan and I get pregnant... well that's a whole new world, isn't it? 

Yeah.  Yeah it really is.