I'm already pissed off that I don't get mail at my friggin' street address. Why doesn't Jackson have street mailing? It's super friggin' annoying. So instead of just waiting at my door for a package, I have to haul my butt across town to wait in the long lines for one of you fabulous postal workers to take my fancy little yellow slip and get a package for me. Oh, and you're opened during business hours, which is convenient for no one.
Oh you say you're open Saturdays? Until noon? Awesome. I can get mail once a week. Luckily I have Tuesdays off, so make that twice a week. You don't like it when my mail piles up, so you shove it in the tiny little mailbox until stuff is all bent wonky? I don't like that the Post Office doesn't offer different sizes of mail boxes. So now we're even.
And I get REALLY sunshine-and-daisies when I leave work early to drive across town to pick up a package. I get to the back of the line EXACTLY as the clock turns from 4:59 to 5:00. And then you're SO PLEASANT when you holler (yes, holler) across the full lobby "Ma'am in the grey coat, we are closed. You'll have to come back tomorrow."
SERIOUSLY? If I'm not mistaken, you take NUMEROUS yellow slips back at once and haul everyone's packages to the front in a group. So if there are two people in front of me with yellow slips awaiting their packages, you're saying that it's not worth your time or effort to take ONE MORE yellow slip to get my ONE package? That's what you're saying? Even thought it's EXACTLY 5:00 p.m.? So if I had been able to hang up on a patient one moment faster and get to the friggin' Post Office one minute faster then I could get my package? I don't get credit for the dozens of times I've stood in lines for up to fifteen minutes while you asked every sodding person, "And will you be needing stamps today?"
NO I DON'T NEED FRIGGIN' STAMPS. I WILL TELL YOU IF I NEED SOME DAMN STAMPS, DO YOU UNDERSTAND? PERFECTLY okay with being responsible with my own stamp needs, THANK YOU.
Expect a package with my name on it soon filled with moldy food. And I won't pick it up. I will leave it in your back room, smelling up the office until it makes you want to vomit.
Happy Thanksgiving, government employee. I'm so thankful for your dedication to the people of this community.
(I'm sure it's iced tea or something)