Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Hi, I'm Neurotic, Would You Like to Be My Friend?

Ohhhhhhh.  Sometimes my craziness drives ME crazy.  I know that doesn't really make much sense.

Let me explain.

Bryan and I are painting the living room.  Two (ish) walls are bright white (it's really one full wall and two partial bits of wall) and one is a light blue grey.  Earlier today I decided I hate the blue grey color and Bryan agreed it looked violet, and I'm an adult who doesn't want a violet wall.  Decided.

However, after a second coat, it's getting better.  Weeeeee'llllllllll see.

That's not the basis of the crazy, though.

WHILE I was painting, I happened to get my monthly friend (heck yes this is THAT sort of story... sort of) and thought "I ought to sanitize my Diva Cup before using it."

What's a Diva Cup? Check out what I wrote a year ago or whatevs for specifics, but, in shorthand, it's a silicone cup I shove up my vagina during my period to catch menstrual blood.  I take it out every 10-12 hours, pour the stuff in the toilet, rinse it, and put it back in.  It's much easier than tampons, I almost never have to change it in public, and it's environmentally cuddly, or something.

So.  I put it on the stove, along with some dishsoap (I have no idea why... it's not in the directions and probably a bad idea....) and I walk away.


And I don't remember that I've put it on the stove to be sanitized until all the water has evaporated and it's burning and the house is filling with smoke.

Oh yeah, did I mention our smoke alarm's battery died last week?  Yeah.

So I run and grab it (it's not burning, thankfully, but smells TERRIBLE) and throw it outside, pot and all.  And then I open the door, the sliding door, and all the windows I can.  Bryan has been in bed for a half hour so doesn't understand WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME when I run into our room saying "Bryan!!" and then "I almost burned our apartment down!" and then "I burned my Diva Cup!" and then "I have to open all the windows in here and I'm stealing your fan."

Then I try to air the place out for two hours.

But of course, my mind starts working....

And now I have semi-convinced myself that burning a Diva Cup in a non-stick pot (I know, they're bad) will immediately give me cancer, or carbon monoxide poisoning, or death, or something.

Seriously.  This happened two hours ago and I'm still awake freaked out and wanting to keep the doors open all night (probably a bad idea????).

It just smells gross.  I know it's probably not at all healthy for us, but I'm not sure it's MORE unhealthy than sitting around a campfire when people throw in styrofoam plates (hello, childhood) or plastic.  BUT IT IS MY HOME and now I'm obviously coming down with a bit of cancer/blacklung/pickyourdisease.

Annnnd it doesn't help that I'm getting an ultrasound on my left boob tomorrow because it's still feeling a bit weird/tender, and that I have like 9 tests to have done at the lab on Wednesday to find out if I have polycystic ovarian syndrome or whatever else it could be making my hormones wacky.

So.  I'm feeling a bit neurotic these days.

Did I mention we invited new friends over to our apartment tomorrow night?  The same day that I'm getting my ultrasound and finishing painting the living room ceiling and putting all the furniture back and cleaning up and making dinner???

Hi, I'm neurotic.  Would you like to be my friend?