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Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Highs and Lows

Low: I've been having a fairly crappy week. Work sucks.  I miss having community, close friends, dinner parties, wine with movies... I miss that.  I miss California.  I miss Catalyst, my friends.  I miss my Chicago girls, Kathy, Monica and Molly.  I REALLY miss my folks; today Bryan and I were watching HGTV during lunch and they made this awesome headboard, bedside tables, and bookshelf for under $200.  Bryan said "I wish I could do that; I've made some things but nothing that complicated."  And I immediately think, "Dad would LOVE to teach Bryan how to make bookshelves and headboards!"  He's done both of those before, and I know that he'd relish the time spent working in the shop with my husband.  But we don't live by them.  That's just how it goes.

High: Bryan and I stayed up LATE on Saturday, past 1am (which is REALLY late for Bryan, who goes to bed before I do most nights).  We slept in the next morning, lazed about the couch watching tv, and then he said we should go out to dinner.  We went to the brew pub and Bryan got trout and I had a Thai-ish chickeny peanut sauce noodle thing that was awesome.  The best part was the conversation we had, though.  We talked about our goals, our values, what we want out of our life in the next couple years.  We are so alike in some ways, yet different in others.  We compliment each other so well. 

We talked about our life in Jackson - we love the town, the mountains, the accessibility of outdoor activities.  But we don't have a close group of friends, don't have a church (still haven't heard back from the one I'm excited about, so I'm not sure when they meet), don't have community like we had in California.  We're close-ish to family, but not super close.  Neither of us are in love with our jobs, but we make a paycheck, and that's what counts.  So we talked about the future.  Chris and Amanda (Bryan's sister and brother-in-law) are going to be done with school around June of next year (Chris is in a master's program in Detroit).  They are talking about moving back out West.  And we have spoken many times about living close to them so we can raise our kids together, so they really know their cousins.  And Bryan and I are pretty set on the idea of moving close to them, as long as they don't live somewhere horrible.  So we're getting more serious about the idea that Jackson will not be our end game (although Bryan was set on that for quite a while).  There are many places we'd consider living... Denver, Boise, the West Coast again... I'd love to live by my folks, too, especially after we start a family, but I have no idea where they are planning to end up in the next five years or so.  But if we lived by Chris and Amanda, we'd have that family connection nearby, and it helps that we LOVE hanging out with them and their kiddos.

So I don't know.  I'm glad we're in Jackson, even though I don't feel like all my needs are being met (I'm more extroverted than Bryan, I NEED friends).  I am excited for the summer, for getting in shape and hiking and backpacking.  But I'm also aware that my itchiness to move has re-emerged.  I hope one day I will want to stay in a place for more than a year or two, but I like moving around.  I hate the actual MOVING, but I like new places, new experiences.  And if we were to find a place we loved, and have the friends and community like we did in California, I'd really consider putting down roots, especially if we had family nearby.  So we'll see.  Today I'm just feeling unsettled with my job (there's drama) and unfulfilled in my social life.  At least I have my incredibly awesome husband, my partner in life and in crime, who makes things SO much better.  That's the highest high there is.