Thursday, June 30, 2011

When she was bad she was horrid...

"There was a little girl 
Who had a little curl 
Right in the middle of her forehead; 
And when she was good, 
She was very, very good 
But when she was bad she was horrid."

-Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Some of the people at work super suck today.  They got me angry and frustrated and were being dumb.  

I made cakeballs (100 calories of deliciousness each) and brought them to work today.  When people were crappy, I thought, "I should throw these away so they can't have any."  Then I thought, "I should leave them here so everyone gets fat and I look skinnier."


That horrid. 

Sunday, June 19, 2011

My Dad

(I'd like to apologize in advance for the weird formatting... I'm not sure what the deal is, exactly, but it's weird.)

My dad is awesome.  I wrote all about how awesome he is HERE, so I'm not going to say the same thing all over again.

So instead, here is an internet conversation we had on April 13th, 2006, while I was away at college and planning on coming home for the weekend... keep in mind my dad is a pastor.

Me: Hey Dad?  You should make beef jerky. Because I want some.
Dad: Yeh?  I have trail mix.  Are you coming home today?  
Me: Yep.
Dad: Then why are you on the computer?  Come home!
Me: Dang I have to freaking go to class!  I would totally skip, because I have like... three skips stored up.
Dad: Blow it off.
Me: But we're getting a take home test. Stupid college making me go to stupid class.  Stupid stupidness.
Dad: Yeh.
Me: I thought about just getting the test and then leaving, since we're just watching a film.  And I heard it's supposed to thunderstorm up there, and I don't feel like driving through it on the highway.
Dad: No storms, just lots of sunshine.
Me: No way it says storms.
Dad: No.  Go to class.  It only says "isolated T-storms."  That means if you blink, it's gone.  Be good.  Go to class.  I'll feed you when you get home.
Me:  I don't waaaaaaaaaaaaannnnt to go to class.  It's going to be on elder abuse.  I've learned about elder abuse in like... four classes already.  It's too warm and sunny to care about elder abuse right now.
Dad: Some of my Elders need abuse.  [CHURCH JOKE!]
Dad: I'm old.
Me: You're not a freaking ELDER.  You have to be like... grandpa's old for that.
Dad: Yeah.  Grandpa is old.  85 going on 100.
Me: True. Dat.

(I now work with the elderly and love them).

So as you can see, my dad is obviously awesome.  He makes fun of old people, while still loving them.  He makes me homemade beef jerky.  And he convinces me to skip, and then attend, class.  We think a lot of the same things are funny.... We agree on a lot of things, and DISAGREE on a lot of others... and we talk about all of it.  We fight, we laugh, we love black licorice and Bill Cosby and being silly.  He's awesome.  Just the coolest, nicest Dad that I could ask for.  And yes, I just ended a sentence in a preposition.  And made fun of elder abuse.

And some pictures...

The fam, I think it was my birthday?  I'm going to guess I was 8 years old.

Mom and Dad in Myrtle Beach

Our family likes to play this game called "The Great Dalmuti."  The round's winner wears a cool hat.  The loser wears a non-cool hat.  This is a pic of Dad and Stac-Face.

Looks like Dad lost that round.

I have NO idea who won this round. Me, maybe, for having a picture of my dad wearing that hat.

Bond.  James Bond.  And Mrs. Bond, apparently.

Happy Father's Day, Dad!!

I love you!


Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Fertility Awareness Method

About a month and a half ago, one of my readers, Carla, asked me to write about my preferred method of birth control, the Fertility Awareness Method, or Natural Family Planning.  She posted my explanation on her blog

And nooooow I'm posting it here!  It's long.  It uses the words "cervical," "sperm," and "ovulation."  It's once again, long.  And it's me, JessicaMayLords, talking about birth control (including which methods I've used in the past).  If that grosses you out, then don't read on.  You should know that I don't write anything on this blog that I would be embarrassed to have my mom and mom-in-law read.  So I'm not going to be inappropriate, but to be truly informative, I can't NOT use the word penis.  Do we understand each other?


So, if I haven't scared you, and if you have ever wanted to know a LOT about FAM, then read away....

Saturday, June 11, 2011

Lands' End Deals!!

Okay.  I admit it.  I have a mad crush on Lands' End.  I love their casual, all American look.  They have great deals now and then, and I love the everyday casual vibe they offer; all you need to do is add a statement necklace and you're set!

I have two of their down jackets, and a rain jacket.  I also have a fleece of theirs, and it's oh so comfy.  And I have a bathing suit bottom, because it was an amazing deal at $4 with free shipping.

And now they are having an awesome 25% off clearance deal, with FREE SHIPPING.  Just use code LANDSEND and promo ID 1140.

So of COURSE I'm having difficulty not buying things.  But how friggin cute is this bag??


Soooooooo cute.  And it's only $13.50!!!!  I'm still not sure why I'm not pulling the trigger... we'll see how long I last.

This bag is also a steal at $13.50.  It reminds me a bit of my high school days, shopping in the Boystown neighborhood in Chicago, checking out the Army/Navy Surplus stores for awesome canvas bags.  I'd be pretty tempted to pay the $5 to get my initials monogrammed on it, or to make a stencil in the bottom corner.

This bag is super cute, especially with the rope handles.  I'm really digging the nautical look this spring.  However, at $38, it's just way too much for a canvas bag right now.  I know that Lands' End canvas bags are super sturdy, much better than you'll find most places, but it still seems a bit steep.  I'm thinking I could always buy canvas and make a bag similar to this, and stencil it... Or I could just get a really simple canvas bag pre-made and stencil it.  I know it wouldn't have the same detail as this sailboat, but I could get a similar feel...

But that first sailboat bag... that's a hard one to forget about.  And it would be perfect for work - right now when I walk to work I carry a big canvas grocery bag with my breakfast, lunch, Kindle, and purse inside.  Have I mentioned how much I love my Kindle... because I friggin' love it.  Reading the Mercy Thompson series right now, voraciously.  Anyways...

This would hold all my stuff and I wouldn't be carry a canvas grocery sack (people out here say sack instead of bag... isn't that strange??).  I'm thinking about it... thinking....

Friday, June 10, 2011

New Math

via Geek in Heels

p.s.  I CAN'TFRIGGINWAIT to see the last Harry Potter movie!!  It's going to be so wonderful and so sad.  I'll most likely see it twice.  Not gonna lie.

Tuesday, June 7, 2011


I feel like this picture, taken about 2 weeks after Bryan and I started dating, goes to show we should definitely be together.  I think it just looks like we belong together.

But it could also be that I'm looking through it through "rose tinted glasses" (as Bryan likes to remind me when I say he looks cute no matter what).

But whatevs.  We're going to have adorable babies one day.

I want this.


Saturday, June 4, 2011

Some New Products that I Love

Sometimes I want to tell you, my fabuloid readers, about crap I like.  But sometimes it's a bit much to do a post for every product.  So here's a few products in one post.  Whaaaaaaaat.

First of all, these are new to ME products.  They have probably been around for a gazillion years but I like them NOW so I'm going to review them NOW.  And no, unfortunately I'm not getting paid for this and I wasn't given a free sample.  BUT, if a company like.... say... MERRELL wanted to give me a free pair of their awesome PACE GLOVE BAREFOOT SHOES... I would TOTALLY review them.  Just saying.  Merrell. Please.



First up.... Malibu Tan Golden Glow Skin Firming Bronzing Moisturizer Hemp Body Lotion.  Ohhhh my gosh that's the longest name on earth.

I got this at Walmart for less than $6.  And mine has 40% MORE, it's 24.5 ounces for LESS THAN 6 BUCKS.  I think Walmart is one of the only couple stores that sell it, so yes, you have to go into the belly of the beast, Wally world.


BUT IT'S SO WORTH IT!  This stuff gives you a nice, gradual tan, and it's SO moisturizing.  My skin feels awesome.  Sometimes self-tanners leave you smelling like crap, even if they smelled okay when you first put them on, they get nasty.  Malibu Tan smells awesome when you put it on, and all day long.  It has a definite coconut smell to it, but also a bit of a sugary, almost chocolate scent.  It's not overpowering, and there's enough of a musky undernote that keeps it from being too sweet.  It's awesome.  You should totally try it.  It's SO much better than Banana Boat, Jergens, and Nivea, all which ended up smelling nasty after an hour or so.

Here are the ingredients, in case you are interested:
Water, Propylene Glycol, Coconut (Cocos Nucifera) Oil, Cetearyl Alcohol, Polysorbate 60, Isopropyl Myristate, Cetyl Alcohol, Sorbitan Stearate, Dihydroxyacetone, Glycerin, Stearic Acid, Hempseed (Cannabis Sativa) Oil, Tocopheryl Acetate, Erythrulose, Ubiquinone, Butylene Glycol, PEG-8, Bupleurum Falcatum Extract, Caffeine, Coenzyme A, Sesame (Sesamum Indicum) Oil, Jojoba (Buxus Chinensis) Oil, Sunflower (Helianthus Annuus) Seed Oil, Olive (Olea Europaea) Oil, Tea Tree (Melaleuca Alternifolia) Oil, Green Tea (Camellia Oleifera) Extract, Calendula Officinalis Extract, Cyclomethicone, Dimethicone, Sodium Gluconate, Potassium Sorbate, Diazolidinyl Urea, Methylparaben, Propylparaben, Fragrance, BHT, Citric Acid.

Seriously, this stuff is GOLD.  It takes about 5-10 minutes to totally dry though, so be prepared for 5-10 minutes of nakeyness in your bathroom.

Next awesome product is Teeccino Caffeine-Free Herbal Coffee in Hazelnut.  It's a "coffee substitute" that doesn't have coffee or tea in it.  Here are the ingredients: organic carob, organic barley, organic chicory, dates, almonds, organic dates, natural hazelnut flavor, organic figs.  It sounds really weird, but it totally does taste like coffee and it's delicious.  I added some yummy flavored creamer to it and it's heaven.  AND, I'm not supposed to be drinking a lot of coffee, and this is totally satisfying my coffee longing.

It comes in super convenient tea bags, so it's easy to throw a couple in my bag and bring them to work.  Since it's caffeine free, it doesn't have the kick of coffee, but that's okay.  It's still awesome.

I realize that these aren't a product as much as a piece of clothing... but...

I just got these super cute "Pedal Pushers" from Old Navy.  They were on clearance for like $5!!!  They are so super duper cute.  They're a linen-cotton blend and totally appropriate for the office when paired with a cute blouse.  And if you're short like me, it's hard to find capris that aren't too long.  Sometimes capris look like just slightly too short pants on me, which looks dumb.

SO cute.  And they totally fit my hips (they're wide, y'all) but not at all dowdy.  SO CUTE.  Seriously, if you're by an Old Navy, GO CHECK OUT THE CLEARANCE SECTION.  These are adorable.

So yeah, these are my new things, and they are awesome.