Friday, September 17, 2010

You sure do put the "FUN" in Fundamentalist!

I'm feeling a bit frustrated right now.  Perhaps frustrated is not the word.  Discouraged?  Yeah, I think that's it.

Bryan and I love Jackson, but the more and more we look at churches the more discouraged I become.  Right now there is ONE church I would feel comfortable going to, and I'm not sure how much I would love that church, either.  I know several women who go to the church, and it makes me question if I want to attend.  Not that every person who goes to a church is an accurate representation of the church, but still.  I was told the following from them today.

"Well you know, socialized medicine will mean that people will be dying while waiting in lines."
I replied, "But don't you think that health care is a human right, and not a privilege?"
"Well, I think that if we have socialized health care people will be dying while waiting in lines."
"Well, people are dying right now because they don't have insurance and cannot afford to go to the doctors for preventable diseases."  Silence.

"Jessica, I think the reason you didn't get that job is because of affirmative action.  They probably thought you were the best for the position but that had to hire a minority." 
"No, I'm sure they just hired someone with more experience who they thought would be better for the job."
"I bet they hired a minority."
"Technically, as a woman, I'm considered a minority.  I'm sure they hired the best person for the job." 
"Well, I'm not so sure."

AHHH!!  It's frustrating, to say the least.  I miss Catalyst.  I miss going to a church and feeling supported by a group of believers who didn't consider me a heretic because I believe in evolution (yes, I believe that God creates using science, which was sort of his idea in the first place... not that I think creationism vs evolutions should even be a big deal at all!!  It isn't!!!!) or because I think women have the right to be heard in church (HECK YES I DO!!).  It's just wearing me out.  I'm seriously considering putting an ad out in the Jackson Hole Radio's classified section:  "ANYONE WANT TO TALK ABOUT JESUS/GOD AND DOES NOT WATCH FOX NEWS?"  or perhaps "If you think Rob Bell is the AntiChrist, you can ignore this.  If you think he's sort of interesting, well, then, cool.  How do you feel about C.S. Lewis?  Do you like dialogue and discussing things like civil rights, healthcare, the concept of "jubilee" and God's love?  Do you think Isaiah 1:17 is ignored in too many churches? Maybe you should come to my house for a cup of tea and some ice cream and we'll talk about stuff." 

I'm just discouraged.  I'm worried about winter, and about finding friends.  I don't necessarily need a church, but I would love to be a part of a community of people that love God and want to talk about it.

I guess I sort of want a different KIND of tea party.  One where there's actually tea.


I didn't get the social work job.

I'm a sad panda.

I'm trying to look on the bright side of things.  If I got this job, there's a good chance that we'd wait until next winter to try to have kids, minimum.  At the moment we're considering next summer as a good idea... so yay for maybe having a family sooner?  I guess?

The job would have paid SUPER well and had great benefits, but it would have definitely been hard.  Bryan said maybe I'll get a winter job that's pretty cushy and low-stress, which is pretty awesome, it's true.  I can work at the float trip company again next year (in fact, I asked the owner today "so, what's the chance of me working here again next summer?" and he said "137%"), which is a good, easy job that pays well. 

I applied for two jobs at the hospital today, and I have very applicable experience from my time at the doctor's office.  I do enjoy the medical field, so maybe that will be a good fit.  I'm going to keep looking around.  Bryan thinks I should apply at Pearl Street Bagels, but I have a feeling that has more to do with him loving bagels than it does him thinking that's a good idea.

I, too, love me some bagels.  Bagels.  And I don't say them the way Britta does on "Community"

So yes.  Trying to stay positive.  This is the first job I've interviewed for and haven't been offered.  I guess humility had to be learned some time or other.  I'm thinking of calling to ask why they didn't pick me, but I'm pretty sure they wanted someone with more experience.  Maybe they thought I was too young?  Not quite sure.

But I do know that I'll find SOMETHING, and that it will work out just fine.  Just wish I could find something that paid as much as the social work job... because that pretty much blew my mind.