Last night we went to a friend's place and I sort of got lectured on something that wasn't his business AT ALL. I kept quiet because I didn't want to cause a fight (I know, weird for me...). I let it go at the apartment but when we got in car, Bryan realized that I was crying. I was really upset about the whole thing because it meant that: 1. Bryan had complained about me to his friends, 2. this dude who was NOT MARRIED thought he could dispense marital advice to me and 3. Bryan was too busy playing video games to realize I was upset and being lectured to. 1. I understand... because that's the nature of the beast, isn't it? We talk to our friend about what is going on in our lives. I do that with my girlfriends. Bryan said that he had been talking to his MARRIED friend about it, and either this other dude was around at the time, or Bryan's married friend must have mentioned it. Okay, I get it. But I had a HUGE problem with the fact that these guys seem to think of me as a wife who orders her husband around, forces him to do ANYTHING, and is overbearing. The fact of the matter is, our marriage works best when we act as individuals who happen to be married. Bryan doesn't really ask permission to hang out with the guys, and I don't ask permission to hang out with my girls (if I had any around). We let the other know we've got plans "unless you had something in mind." Bryan spent $300 getting his mountain bike fixed earlier this month, and he asked permission for that, since it was coming out of our budget. I consented because 1. I have a hard time saying no to Bryan (I know, wink wink, nudge nudge) and 2. I know how happy mountain biking makes him. He then asked to spend ANOTHER big chunk of cash on fishing equipment, since he's now into fly fishing (my husband LOVES outdoor hobbies); he said he'd work his next two days off to pay for it. Since it's not coming out of the budget since he's working more, I said okay. I am not an overbearing wife. I do not make chore lists because I know he'd react poorly to them (as would I). I do not tell him what to eat, what to buy, etc. I even brought over homemade strawberry crisp to our friends... didn't realize I was providing the dessert for the lecture.
So at the end of all this, I feel sad and humiliated, and like these guys don't realize what a FRICKIN' AWESOME WIFE I am. I've worked at least 40 hours a week since the beginning of our marriage so Bryan could finish school. I've done every single load of dishes this month because Bryan has been working long days. I deserve a FRICKIN' MEDAL.
So I'm going through this crappy cry session, and Bryan is trying to console me, and I know it's not his fault. But I'm still sad, humiliated, and angry at his friends. Bryan hugs me and kisses me and tells me that he loves me, and that he knows how hard I work. I take a shower, tell him I love him too, and go to bed.
This morning (hahaha... just barely still morning) I wake up and turn on the computer, and I see an Amazon.com gift certificate there. We'd gotten it as one of our credit card reward things, and I sort of assumed Bryan would use it (since I tend to spend money on clothes and crafts). It says "To: A very forgiving wife," and then "Thanks for everything you have done, working hard and doing so much around the apartment. Get something fun on Amazon. Love, Bryan."
And as silly as that seems... that $25 gift certificate that we already HAD with that sweet message makes me realize how much my husband DOES notice my hard work. I wish his friends (well, our friends... they're mine too) realized that I could never force Bryan to do anything; he's too stubborn (we have that in common). Either way, I know Bryan sees how hurt I was yesterday, and this little thing was his way of saying, "I know you work hard, and I love you. My friends can be idiots, but I don't think of you in that way."
So I spent the next hour and a half on Amazon, trying to figure out the best deals I could get for $25. I came up with the following:
ALO Puffer Vest, ALO 1/4 Zip Fleece, ALO Technical Jacket (water-resistant). All from the same company, marked down because they are all 2 sizes too small. So I bought them all in XL and I'm crossing my fingers they fit. I figured if they're all grey or black, they'll match, and be easy to see in the snow. That makes sense, right? So much snow.... ::shudder::
After a little retail therapy, I'm feeling a bit better. I am still having an emo day, but my husband's kind note and a little shopping helped. A good deal is always good for the soul, isn't it? Or is that just me??