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Sunday, June 6, 2010

Top 20 Things I Should Have Learned...

...the first time, and didn't (copied from my sister, Stacey)

1) Just because someone says they love you doesn't mean they have your best interests at heart.
2) There is such a thing as too much coffee.
3) Don't judge people on the music they like.
4) Having a lot in common with a boy doesn't mean you should date that boy.
5) Don't lie.  Lies grow bigger and bigger and get harder and harder to keep straight.
6) Your parents are smarter that you are, and more experienced.
7) If you wonder if you've had enough to drink, stop drinking.
8) A steady diet of ramen and hot cocoa won't exactly make you skinny.
9) Life is too short for soy ice cream, unless you're lactose intolerant
10) Black and white may make sense in colors, but not in life.  Most things are shades of grey, and deserve critical thinking.
11) Don't even CONSIDER dating someone who takes longer than you to order a meal (no tomatoes, no pickles, mustard on the side, diet soda no ice, with a lemon), especially if that person doesn't tip well.
12) If someone says, "Eww, does this smell weird to you?" DON'T SMELL IT!!
13) If you know you're allergic to something, don't just eat it and think," I'll take an antihistamine later and be fiiiine;" unless you want to stay up all night sick.  It's a good way to lose five pounds, but you'll feel like death warmed over for the next 24 hours.
14) If you're not feeling well, don't go on WebMD.  It's always cancer.  You do not have cancer.
15) Exercise may not sound fun, but you won't regret doing it.  You will regret not doing it.
16) People will say stuff like "I don't BELIEVE in television."  It's okay if you do, and if you say so.  TV is awesome.
17) Everyone feels stupid and out of place in high school.  It's okay.
18) If you hate hate hate sports, it's okay not to feel compelled/guilted into to watch "the game" with your boyfriend EVERY SINGLE FREAKING WEEKEND.  So glad Bryan isn't into sports.
19) Love your friends and family no matter what, and tell them so. 
20) Blue lipstick is never an option. Not wearing make up IS an option.

Drop a Blog...

I have a new blog addiction:  STFU, Parents.

This blog takes inappropriate Facebook status updates/pictures, blurs out any specific names or places, and makes fun of parents for being any of the following:

  • disgusting
  • entitled
  • mean
  • overly cutesy
  • annoying
  • scary
You will see gems like this one:


Along with the fabulous blogthor's (yeah, that means blog author now.  That just happened) awesome commentary, like this:


"Do people not realize what SALES is anymore? Like, hellooo, I want to be sold something. You don’t just get my business because you are knowledgeable about a product and “good” at your job, ‘cause guess what? Part of being good at your job is kissing my ass. And not only my ass, but my adorable baby’s ass, too! (Seriously, you should see her little tushy - SO cute!)
Yeah, I get it; You’re available to answer any and all questions, you are more than willing to put aside your lunch break to help me stare at carpet samples, and you sincerely complimented my new sandals. GREAT. But guess what you didn’t do? Say hello to my CHILD, who is not a half-person, or some random little throwaway kid who gets a passing glance. Everyone agrees that my little angel is the cutest baby they’ve ever seen, and since you apparently don’t think that (since you didn’t wave or wink at her, or offer her a present or anything) then you won’t be getting any commission from this lady! That’s just how it is.
(submitted by Anonymous)"

Ohhhhhh the ENTITLEMENT of some people!  I just RELISH reading some of this crap!  Most of my Facebook parent friends are totally cool about being not-annoying/appropriate on Facebook, but every so often you get one that posts a picture of their kid's crap or makes a status update about the color of their kid's vomit, and that is NOT OKAY!  Do you hear me?  No.one.wants.to.know.

STFU, Parents is not a mean blog to ALL parents; if it was, I wouldn't read it.  I happen to have lots of awesome friends who have kids, and I want to be a parent myself some day.  But this website is GOLD for those of us who are sick of people over-sharing about bodily functions, or friends who say "well try having a baby on top of that!!!" every time you complain on Facebook.

Pure gold.