Sunday, September 20, 2009


Today started off extremely hard but got a lot better. At 11 last night Bryan was asleep and Nyquiled up. He was talking in his sleep, then waking up and speaking nonsense. I got worried that his fever may be spiking, and if it gets too high it can leave permanent damage. His words sounded like word salad: "I'm so happy I'm in the middle of the paddle." "I'm sorry, what did you say?" "I'm so happy in the middle river." "Are you okay honey?" "Stop just leave me alone, temperature gauge I'm comfortable." I took his temp and it wasn't too high, so I hoped that it was just the fever and the Nyquil talking. I stayed up until 3 am making sure he was breathing okay. His breaths were rapid, whistling, and wheezy. It scared me.

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

As the Ruin Falls

As the Ruin Falls

All this is flashy rhetoric about loving you.
I have never had a selfless though since I was born.
I am mercenary and self-seeking through and through;
I want God, you, all friends, merely to serve my turn.

Peace, re-assurance, pleasure, are the goals I seek,
I cannot crawl one inch outside my proper skin:
I talk of love -- a scholar's parrot may talk Greek--
But, self-imprisoned, always end where I begin.

Only that now you have taught me (but how late) my lack.
I see the chasm. And everything you are was making
My heart into a bridge by which I might get back
From exile, and grow man. And now the bridge is breaking.

For this I bless you as the ruin falls. The pains
You give me are more precious than all other gains.


This is one of my all-time favorite poems.